#2, or, second child in a blended family

I'm not one of those people who writes with any regularity or frequency, but when I'm inspired, and I've had plenty of time to think about something, I like to flesh it out in writing.

To catch you up on the present, my long-time best friend and I decided over a year ago that we would join our lives together, once and for all (we sort of tried it out about a decade ago, but weren't quite ready then). I have a son from a previous marriage, he's never had children, and we decided that we'd like to try.

In addition to adding one member to our new family, we had to move to make room for all of us. So, all within a span of about a year, we did a whole bunch of new things. He moved halfway across the country with the dog (another story, and a good bedtime one at that) and a moving van with his stuff to us, we put him to work as #1 childcare giver after a few months, we bought a car, we made a baby, shopped for a bought a home, and just recently moved into said new home so I could be closer to my job, spend less time commuting, and Jasmir can be close to good schools, doctors, etc.  Phew!  I've literally broken a sweat just thinking about all of it. (Disclaimer: I am 36.5 weeks pregnant)

So, a couple of fun details: we're not finding out the sex (I didn't with my first child, either), and we've each come up with names, but we haven't really come up with anything we all love, so there's no telling what we'll actually end up calling this baby. My partner calls it, "#2," so naturally, so does my son. I've heard everything from, "I wish you weren't pregnant," to "I really wanted to feel the baby kicking," to "I don't really like babies, they're stupid," and "Will you love this baby more than me?"  I'm doing my best to reassure my son of my unconditional love, but also the nature of love, which doesn't run out.

I can't help but think about the nature of the trinity, which is still fresh on my mind from my priest's sermon on Trinity Sunday yesterday, describing the trinity is God, us, and the love that binds it together. It is much like a mother's love, or a lover's love, where you would give anything to help, comfort, grow, assist, or build up the recipient. Also, of course, you've got the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit part of the trinity.  And our current family is a threesome, about to become four.

Now that I've got about a month left before the baby actually arrives, and we've gotten settled, I am starting to unpack and go through the things we've collected from various friends, FB yardsale, etc. and have friends over for a housewarming/babyshower, going over Ina May Gaskin's midwife books, attending breastfeeding classes, having conversations with my partner, trying to assure him that yes, he can do it and it will all work out, and also assuring myself at the same time, I need to settle and slow down a bit to get used to the slower pace of life that will be newborn motherhood.  

On Inhibition

It took me years to find a physical activity I liked.  Always the artist and bookworm, I only flirted with sports and bike riding.  In high school, I joined many extra-curricular groups, took AP classes, and worked a part-time job.  As an undergraduate, I was much more concerned about my studies to keep a regular schedule at the gym.  However, the friends I had come to love all bicycled everywhere. I liked that, I had honed my Earthly stewardship enough to realize this was better than driving, especially in a college town where everything is in a six-mile-radius.  So, just like that, one day I decided to start riding my bike to work, one day a week.  When that quit being really hard (I was quite overweight and a smoker), I did it two, then three, then everyday; I was hooked.  

My friend Melissa Green and I had tried to do yoga together on numerous occasions.  Neither of us could stick with it.  We also tried various other aerobic activities, like Tae Bo, classes at the gym, and just couldn't get it.  So, I quit trying and just focused on bicycling, I was learning more about gardening, and of course, my painting and academic studies.  I think I was doing wedding cakes then, too.  I have never had any problem keeping myself occupied with lots of fun and interesting things to do, but sticking with the healthy ones, that's a different story.  

Flash forward to present day, nearing the end of 2015, when my life is more full than it has probably ever been.  Time is at a premium, my son claiming first and most dibs, work coming second and what's leftover?  Crumbs.  My bravado about all those fun and exciting things has been replaced with inhibition.  Is it because there's no room or time for failure?  I've always liked to do my best, be at the top.  Last year, I ran several half marathons and was doing light weight training.  This year, I ran a 5k, an 8k, did start intense weight training and have injured myself a couple times, while barely squeezing into my running clothes.  

When forced into a corner, my old defense was to fight back with smoking guns.  Now, I've seen my mind has thrown in the towel, my body following suit.  Too many stressors, not enough support, equation does not balance.  The pendulum has swung a bit too far for my liking over to the apathetic, "whatever works" side of life.  Not enough time to cook, eating junk.  No limits on drinks and treats.  Not getting enough sleep, feeling frazzled.  With a few days off and a lot of room for improvement, I'm ready to start being more proactive with my health and well-being, one step at a time.

I bought myself a Christmas gift this year of non-slip yoga slippers and gloves.  I think it was 2005 when I got into this great yoga DVD, and started doing it every single day.  I don't think I stopped until Jasmir was born in 2011.  I tried to take it up again, here and there, but with not much success.  I also tried taking up meditation in 2012, again, here and there, but no consistency.  I tried out my first yoga session this morning; the new gear did great.  I was quite stiff and could not hold all postures as long as before, but I finished.  My mind is clear, my body feels pretty good and my breathing is steady.  

When I started noticing inhibition creeping in was when I took up meditation.  The ritual and act of sitting, quieting the mind to re-connect with your deeper self is a serious endeavor.  That old sabatoger was hanging around and never let go.  To be alone needs preparation, time, that which I have not much.  But, I understand how important it is, how much I need it.  But how to balance that with cooking, cleaning, painting, playtime, running, chores?  Chasing my tail is what did.  Putting too many eggs in the basket, and they cracked and made a big mess. 

New Year's Resolutions fail because none of us has enough willpower to make more than one significant change at a time.  I'm not making resolutionS, but I am choosing to make time for health every day.  I have tested and seen my limits, so I will not be training for any races, or competitions this year.  But, I do want to look forward to sunrise, being rested and ready to face each day.  I want to re-discover who my best self is, and I aim to do it, slowly, steadily, one day and one healthy choice at a time.     

Thanksgiving for the health-conscious, tradition-ambivalent foodie

Thanksgiving is quickly upon us.  In the past, as a singleton, I have created a traditional meal, from scratch, for 15 people.  It was so much fun!  It was delicious!  I did not get to visit my family very often, so I really missed the turkey, the cranberry, the flavors of sage and celery, and my Grandma Sixkiller's Jalapeno broccoli rice casserole.  When I was following a grain free diet a few years ago, I made turkey tenderloin with freshly sauteed green beans, almond flour dinner rolls, orange cranberry sauce, and this "baked holiday stuffing" recipe I found from The Paleo Diet Cookbook (i think it's that book...)

2 T extra virgin olive oil
4 large celery stalks, diced
1 medium yellow onion, diced
4 portobello mushrooms, coarsely chopped
1 medium shallot, minced
1/2 cup chicken broth
2 T freshly ground flaxseed
2 T minced fresh sage
4 ounces Brazil nuts, toasted and coarsely chopped

Preheat oven to 350 degrees

Heat olive oil in a cast iron skillet over medium flame. Add celery, onions, and mushrooms and stir occasionally for ten minutes. Toss in shallot and continue cooking for two minutes. Pour in broth and stir. Remove from heat.

Stir in flaxseed, sage, and Brazil nuts. Bake for twenty minutes.

Aside: I have not yet planned one dish for my 2015 Thanksgiving meal ... 

Salvaging the cookies: an allegory of good stewardship

Since I began the wheat free diet a week ago, I have been on the lookout for some gluten-free/wheat-free alternatives to old favorites...like cookies.  When I keep my nephew, one of his favorite kitchen activities we can do together is to make cookies.  It doesn't seem fair to make traditional wheat-based cookies that only he can eat, so I tried to find something somewhat nutritious and not gross.  My answer:  peanut butter cookies.

I remember making a very simple peanut butter cookie last year that had only three ingredients:  sugar, peanut butter and egg, so I went with that.  Simple they were, but cloyingly sweet!  Yuck!  Of course, my nephew loved them, but my son didn't like them much, nor did I.  Being the good steward of resources that I am, I hate throwing things away, so I decided to try and save them.  I watched an episode of Americas Test Kitchen not too long ago which stated that sandwich cookies were the way to go to get the biggest peanut flavor for your cookie buck.  Using about 2 T of cream cheese and 2 T of natural crunchy peanut butter, I whipped them together to make a filling, then spooned about 2 t between 2 of the overly sweet peanut butter cookies.  The results, pretty good!  After my long run yesterday, I inhaled 1 and a half of them with a glass of milk, which might have been 1/2 too much.  But anyway, they are actually edible, if rich.

Next time, I may try a recipe which uses a gluten free flour blend in addition to the sugar and PB, and make sure to use extra peanut butter.  This time, the recipe I used was:

1 cup peanut butter
1 cup sugar
1 egg

mix, scoop 1 T on cookie sheet, press down with fork, bake at 325 for about 10-12 min or until browned.  Cool on cookie sheet for 2 min (ended up being more like 8), then transfer to wire racks to cool completely.

I keep notes about what I cook and eat, not because I'm obsessed with details or food, but because I hate to waste.  Other people I live with are not such good stewards of what they've been given, and I see this as a great travesty.  God gave me dominion over the earth, including animals, flora and fauna, the soil and water.  When I waste or destroy or am apathetic about any of these things, I feel like I'm letting Him down; letting humanity down; letting myself down most of all.  With a bit of creativity and some learning, there's a lot of fun things you can do; reuse old containers, try new recipes, pick up trash with a group of friends, eat your leftovers instead of throwing them away, use your bathwater for plants, etc.

The first time I became consciously aware of the word, "stewardship" was in 11th grade AP English class.  I was fortunate enough to have a wonderful teacher, Mr. Dave Scott, who was quite the philosopher.  His class was never boring, always challenging, and very different than others.  He used quotes by people like Steven Covey (of the 7 Habits fame) to get us thinking before we started writing our essays.  He always left thoughtful comments and questions after grading our papers to push us even farther.  I guess I used the word steward in one of my essays, and he made me aware of it in a comment.  Since that time, I've taken great care to be the best steward I can.  Merriam-Webster's definition is like a housekeeper:  "one employed in a large household or estate to manage domestic concerns (as the supervision of servants, collection of rents, and keeping of accounts)" (2013, www.m-w.com).  Emphasis on the managing part, I see this as a daily duty.  When I let small jobs pile up, they can seem insurmountable, but if I tend to them regularly, they are much easier to manage.  Just like the cookies.  :)

wheat free and other sordid details

Dear readers, it has been too long since my last post.  I have really missed writing.  I've been using a lot of my emotional energy doing very important tasks, (more on this later) but I've got a spare moment to share.

During the last few months, I've noticed itchy dry patches of skin on my son's body.  I flipped open my baby books to the diet and allergy sections, and decided to start doing elimination tests to see if that made any difference in his skin's condition.  Accompanying this itchy skin are sometimes irritated anus, and extra wakefulness at night; these are all indications of a food sensitivity.  Children under the age of 2 are particularly vulnerable to food sensitivities because their intestines and bacterias inside are not very big or developed.  Some big offenders are dairy, wheat, soy, corn, coconut, citrus fruits and tomatoes.  !  Dairy?  Wheat?  Hello, those two items are in almost every prepared food item, and a big promoted staple of our diet, according to many agencies.  Whole grains are shown on the food pyramid poster at our pediatricians office as embodied by brown bread, pasta, rice and potatoes.  Protein and dairy show cartons of milk, yogurt, and cheese.  If you pay attention to ingredient labels, you will find all sorts of whey and soy proteins in things you never thought you'd find them.  It's actually been a challenge to feed myself, my 18 month old and my husband healthy foods that we all enjoy.

We went two weeks free of dairy, and that seemed to clear up the skin.  The instructions were to slowly reintroduce dairy back into the diet, and watch for reactions.  Some people are completely intolerant to all dairy, whereas others can tolerate cheese or yogurt in moderation.  I forgot about it for several weeks because we didn't notice any new symptoms.  After spending a few days babysitting at Auntie/Cousin's house and drinking cow's milk everyday, we noticed the skin flaring up again.  Oh yes, I remembered, take it easy on the dairy.  So, another 2 weeks of abstaining.  Only this time, it didn't make a difference.  Drat.  Back to the books I go.

This time, I see wheat as another big offender and I think back to the last few months of traveling, eating pretzels, toast, wheat bran cereal, homemade breads, pizzas, and I think, ok, now it's time to stop the wheat.  Well, that was a lot easier said than done.  Grandma forgets, and doles out crackers from Grandpa's snack stash.  Daddy forgets and shares his morning toast with baby.  Why isn't this working, Mommy wonders then starts digging a little deeper.  Meanwhile, this is post half-marathon and post-learning about the GI index.  Post- learning and testing lots of gluten-free recipes for the possibility of baking for farmers market and having a friend with Celieac's (sp?) disease.   You can say I've arrived at this time of enlightenment about carbohydrates, health, and cooking simultaneously.  The paths have converged and I have my third eye open without a lot of trying on my part.  I'm reading this book now, Wheat belly : lose the wheat, lose the weight, and find your path back to health by Dr. William Davis, as part of my lessons.

Since I started my path to health back in 2003, post-divorce and very overweight, I've been interested in local foods, slow foods, gourmet cooking, and farm to table.  I've long since plunged headfirst into the rabbit hole of finding out where food comes from, and grown my own for years.  There is no comparison between a home-grown, organic anything to a grocery store flawless specimen.  Organic and/or home grown is always better!  It comes at a price, but listen:  this is your health.  This is your body.  This is your life.  Supposing you only get one shot, I want to fuel mine with the best nature has to offer, not the junk that leaves me bloated, depressed, and craving.  Dr. Davis suggests (I'm only 1/6 of the way through the book) that the hybridized, genetically and fungally modified wheat of today is SO VASTLY DIFFERENT than the wheat of the last 3,000 years or so, that it does crazy things to our bodies.  It was never tested for safety, either, on people or animals, before released into the market.  In the 1970s is when we started to see a real difference in people's waistlines, and that corrolates directly with the prolificy of wheat.  As a physician, he has seen thousands of people's blood sugars spike drastically after consuming wheat bread- even more than after they at a Snickers bar.  !  And you know what?  I believe it.

When I was training for the last half-marathon I ran in late March, I got the advice to "carb-load."  Well, I didn't do it before the first half-marathon I ran, so I thought I would try it.  You know, I had plenty of energy, but I also felt very full and groggy.  AND it took me weeks, yes, weeks to stop craving lots of carbs!  I'm not hypervigilent about my diet; for example, if I feel like eating some cookies, I will.  I'll make sure to drink plenty of water, and lay off sweets for a few days, eat my raw veggies and move on.  I eat a very balanced diet overall, so I don't get upset about "throwing off my diet" by one salty snack, or feeling like I have to workout extra hard because I indulged in something decadent.  I just try to keep a balance.  Well, when I start eating toast, especially, breads, wheat-based cookies and crackers, it's like a drug; I don't want to stop.  I didn't really understand or think too much about it before, but lately I've been experiencing gastric distress. Now with my son and his mysterious ailments, things are starting to be less mysterious and more pointing to the culprit of wheat.  

One time, before I got serious about running, I decided to go one month dairy-free.   I was feeling a little yucky because I would often eat homemade bread, gourmet cheese and wine for my dinner.  This was in my single days before I had to responsibly feed a young child, you see...ahem.  Anyway, my garden was in full swing so I just decided one day, no dairy.  It was really really hard at first.  I felt deprived, and like I couldn't have the foods I loved (macaroni and cheese, parmesean on my spaghetti pomodoro, cheese and wine, pizza).  But you know what?  I adapted.  I made lots of mystery mixed veg creations from my garden.  I went to the market less often, and spent a lot less money.  And after that month, I felt great!  That was back in 2007 or so, and I still remember it like it was yesterday.  The lasting results are that I rarely eat cheese today.  Not because it's bad for me, or because I'm depriving myself, but because I save it for special occasions.  I make a gourmet mac and cheese with squash and gruyere a few times a year.  I make homemade pizza a few times a year.  I eat a cheeseburger a few times a year.  That's what keeps it special, and that's what keeps my guts unclogged of cheese.  I have a sneaking suspicion that my two week trial period of no-wheat will be much the same; a lesson which lasts much longer.

I will try to keep track of what I'm eating, for anybody who may be interested in following:

Day 1: 
 leftover steamed basmati rice with ground cinnamon and soy milk
 Fruit smoothie with banana, peach/mango juice, soy milk, grapes, orange and blueberries
 cup of herbal tea (tension tamer)
 dal soup (made with onion, moong dal, tomato, turmeric, salt, hot chili, garlic) with 1 egg
half an Asian pear
cup of Kenyan tea with local honey
steamed pearl barley with thyme, olive oil and shallots
baked tilapia fillets with lemon
black bean and fresh spinach salad with tomato, cucumber, corn, pineapple, cilantro

Perfect little tea cookie

At last!  After months of (inactively) searching for the perfect little tea cookie, I finally found a good recipe.  It's not quite what I had in mind, (Marie biscuits from India, South Africa) but a pleasant discovery, nonetheless.

As usual, Martha Stewart delivers with this one, "Citrus Cornmeal Shortbread," from her 2008 Cookies cookbook.  Under the "crumbly and sandy" category, they are just slightly sweet.  And I do mean slightly.  Full of freshly grated orange zest, the sweet cream butter and citrus are the stars of this show.  [I use Land O'Lakes unsalted butter for all my baking, incidentally] They are quite rich, so you probably won't want more than 3 or 4 in one sitting, but that's exactly what a tea cookie should be; something to munch while you sip your tea.

I mixed up the dough yesterday, while my bread was fermenting, then let it sit in the refrigerator overnight.  I sliced and baked them while my son was napping this morning. When he woke up, and saw the dining room table covered with pans of cookies, he happily exclaimed, "Quackies!" (he's 17 months and just learning to talk)  It was cute.

I did not have any vanilla extract, so that was the only deviation from the recipe.  [I used King Arthur brand all purpose flour.  Pillsbury or Gold Medal would probably be even better, as these brands are lower in protein.] These would also be very good with a little chopped fresh herbs, like lemon thyme or rosemary.  Next time, I will try this with herbs.  These are very easy to make, if you have a sharp knife, some parchment paper, and several heavy bottomed baking sheets.

Recipe:
1 cup (2 sticks) unsalted butter, room temperature
3/4 cup confectioners' sugar
2 teaspoons pure vanilla extract
11/2 teaspoons finely grated orange zest
2 cups all-purpose flour
1/4 cup plus 2 tablespoons yellow cornmeal
1 teaspoon coarse salt

1. Put butter and confectioners' sugar in the bowl of an electric mixer fitted with the paddle attachment; mix on medium speed until pale and creamy, about 2 minutes.  Add vanilla and zest.  Mix until combined, scraping down sides of bowl as needed.

2. Reduce speed to low.  Add flour, 2 tablespoons cornmeal, and the salt; mix until well combined, about 3 minutes.  Halve dough; shape each into a log about 11/2 inches in diameter.  Wrap each in plastic, and refrigerate until cold, at least 1 hour.

3. Preheat oven to 300 deg F.  Place remaining 1/4 cup cornmeal on a sheet of parchment paper.  Roll logs in cornmeal to coat.  Cut into 1/2-inch-thick rounds, and space rounds 1 inch apart on a baking sheet lined with parchment paper.  Bake until pale golden, 30 to 35 minutes.  Cool on sheet on wire rack.  Cookies can be stored in an airtight container at room temperature up to 1 week.

Welcome to my madness

I realize I've still been blogging in "Jenneffer in Africa," even though I haven't been in Africa since March of last year.  Many are continuing thoughts that began while I was in RSA, but some are completely unrelated.  Thus begins a new chapter of non-library writing (library and information stuff can be found here, at libraria miscellanea).  I created this blog as a place to talk about my food, art, child, and other things domestic.  It's supposed to be a play on the term "domestic," which is used in Southern Africa to indicate a working mama who comes to your house to cook or clean.  This is what I do for my parents, as I live with them; so I see myself, in a tongue-in-cheek way, as a domestic.

Please enjoy.  Feel free to leave comments.  If they are inflammatory, racist, or asking me to follow you somewhere on the internet, I will delete them.  Otherwise, I enjoy feedback and discussion, and constructive criticism.  And ingredients!  Who doesn't love to receive a surprise in the mail, especially if it's delicious?

Send items to:

Jenneffer Sixkiller
11100 Willow Oak Road
Norwood, NC 28128